Feb 16 2008

NY Times: Let the Boys Play, Guilt-trip the Girls


Boys Will Be Boys, Girls Will Be Hounded by the Media

Published: February 17, 2008

Some celebrities and their handlers are now claiming that the news media have a double standard.

Jan 26 2008

Amy Winehouse’s Rehab Diary, Day 3



Now I’m sober I can see I look crap as a blond.

When did I do that?

Jan 25 2008

Amy Winehouse’s Rehab Diary, Day 1


Dear Diary:

Bloody fuckin’ hell my head hurts. Cheeky attendant keeps humming that bloody Alanis Morrisette song whenever he comes in to take my vitals.

“Isn’t it ironic?” YES, I GET THE FUCKIN’ JOKE, IT’S FUCKIN’ IRONIC ME BEIN’ HERE. And YES, I know the meaning of “ironic” unlike some poxy Canadians. I’m pretty fuckin’ clever, you must admit. I am the one who wrote ” Thinking on you in the final throes/This is when my buzzer goes”– C’mon, that’s witty AND sexy AND it rhymes!

NOW FUCK OFF! Useless wanker. And bring me my cigs.

May 29 2007

Lindsay Lohan Back to Rehab


Celebritart Lindsay Lohan checked into the Promises rehab facility on Monday, TMZ.com reports. Lohan faces misdemeanor DUI charges stemming from a traffic accident last week in which a quantity of cocaine was found in her car.

Apr 19 2007

Selma Blair’s Secret Trip to Rehab


Actress Selma Blair has checked into the Malibu, Calif. rehab facility Promises, Hollywood.com reports. No word on whether she’ll be occupying the Britney Spears memorial celebrity special-treatment wing.

Apr 9 2007

Rehab for Porn


Mar 10 2007

Love Stiffs Clinic


Rocker Courtney Love was sued for not paying a $181,000 bill for an 11-week stay at a posh California rehab clinic, the Washington Post reports.

Seems like this could be a common problem for celebrities who hit rock bottom. Maybe clinics could institute a pay-as-you-go policy? Pay $1,000 up front to tell a guy with a sport coat and a beard how hard your childhood was. Two-hour furloughs for shopping sprees on Rodeo Drive would set you back $10,000. And of course there’d be automated vending machines selling methodone for $50 a dose. It could totally work!

Mar 5 2007

Lindsay Lohan Believes Rehab Makes One Immortal


According to a syndicated interview on Hollywood.com, Lindsay Lohan says she would have died if it weren’t for her time in rehab. If we’d have known that a stay in rehab conveys immortality, we’d have drank more in college.

Feb 20 2007

Britney Back in Rehab


Britney Spears has returned to a rehab facility near Los Angeles, celebrity gossip site TMZ.com has reported. If I weren’t a little hopped up on cough medicine at the moment, there’d probably be a joke here; however, that Scottish bastard Craig Ferguson who apparently has some sort of television show said we shouldn’t be making jokes at the expense of “the vulnerable”. Which is good, because I have a gigantic backlog of jokes about Jesus, Superman and Dick Cheney that I can use up now.

Feb 16 2007

Britney Spears Pops In Briefly Just To Say “Hi”


Pop princess Britney Spears popped into a rehab facility in Antigua, then checked out less than 24 hours later, TMZ.com reports. Who says Lindsay Lohan isn’t a role model for the young women of America?