Paula Poundstone: Day 28
Dear Diary:
Hey lookit that! 28 Days, just like the Sandra Bullock movie! She is HOT, isn’t she? Wait, did I just say that? ILIKEMENILIKEMENILIKEMEN. Isn’t it just so annoying how they always hog the remote, though? And how ’bout that premature ejaculation, huh? (Note to self: work on these– promising routines in the making, here.)
So hey, this place isn’t so bad. A little OJ in the morning mixed with some flat 7up — it’s just like a screwdriver. And speaking of screwdrivers, isn’t it crazy how men are so POSSESSIVE about their tool boxes? Like they’re trying to PROVE something.
(Note to self: punch that one up a little. “Home Improvement” reruns are on the local Fox channel back to back starting at 4. Good inspiration.)
No word from the kids for three weeks now. I think they’re still pissed we didn’t make it to Toys R Us before I got a DUI. Apparently I blacked out there a couple times previously after handing my credit card to the oldest one. That was news to me!
I would love to see them, though. I asked them to bring me some new PJs ‘cos frankly, these standard-issue ones don’t really do my boobs justice.